LAST Fearless Friday! WHERE ARE YOU, SASHA FIERCE?!

Fearlessness isn’t the absence of fear. It’s being full of fear, full of doubt, and full of insecurities, but going for it anyways.

Seventeen weeks ago, I introduced Fearless Friday and invited you to take part in observing as I began doing things that scared me or that I have just never found the time to do. I can’t believe that it’s been just a little over four months since I embarked on this Fearless Friday journey. My first Fearless Friday was going out to eat by myself and I still remember the fear and anxiety I had leading up to it.  It seems like ages ago when my half-mexican roommate and I traveled to the hot springs or when I channeled my inner homeschooler and made a scarf. As I look back, I am honestly a little sad that this journey is coming to a close. Maybe I should consider doing a round two?

The one I was most excited about was singing at an open mic night.  Last year, there was a social gathering called “The Love Lounge” and I promise it wasn’t nearly as awkward or sleezy as it sounds.  It was a place where a lot of Bethel students would gather to socialize, take candid photos, make awkward attempts to flirt and listen to some great performances.  Last year, I desperately wanted to sing, but being that I am surrounded by outstanding musicians, I allowed fear and comparison to overcome me and so I went to every Love Lounge a little sad that I wasn’t singing.  So, as I was preparing my Fearless Friday list, I decided to face the fear and sign up for the next Love Lounge! There was only one problem. The Love Lounge was cancelled and there was no longer a place to channel my inner Beyonce.

I searched high and low all throughout the great city of Redding for an open mic night. None were to be found.  I would lay in bed at night and imagine my dreams coming to an end as tears streamed down my face while “Halo” and “Crazy in Love” played quietly in the background. Where are you, Sasha Fierce? I even pulled a “Lion King” as I looked into the sky and screamed YOU SAID YOU’D ALWAYS BE THERE FOR ME!

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Sasha Fierce was no where to be found. Finally, I pulled myself out of my bed filled with oreo crumbs and empty ice cream cartons and thought, “Well, I can’t control the lack of open mic nights, but I can control whether or not I karaoke.”  So, I gathered my closest group of friends and we went to a karaoke bar.

Allow me to sidetrack for just a moment because they specifically asked me to mention them each by name because they are starved for attention.  So, there is the half-mexican roommate, Audrey.  She makes great salsa and cooks beans in a crockpot at least once a week.  Then there’s Ted. Or Theodore. Or Teddy. Or Theo.  No one really know what to call him but he looks like Schmidt so we keep him around.  Jacob, who is  Schmidt’s younger brother,  has a questionable obsession with Emma Watson. Andre, who is originally from Singapore and has an obsession with Luke Bryan. I’ve never seen an Asian who loves Luke Bryan the way he does.  And last but not least, Rhema, who I don’t know why she is still my friend after last night.  She just had shoulder surgery and I got really excited about making a point and without thinking, hit said shoulder.  Completely on accident but the damage was done. Mostly to my pride.

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Here they are. From left to right sits Schmidt, Emma Watson’s pinterest stalker, Asian Cowboy, Me, Hurt Shoulder Rhema, and Half-Mexican Audrey.

Alright, back to karaoke.  There isn’t actually a whole lot to tell except that we ate nachos, listened to some really bad singers, and I sang one of my favorite karaoke classics “I Love Rock N’ Roll” by Britney Spears Joan Jett.  I was scared, but only because the bar was almost empty filled only with overly intoxicated middle-aged men and women and I didn’t want to be “that girl.” You know, the one who’s parents always told her she could sing because her parents are liars.  There is nothing worse than having some karaoke fun and having “that” girl come up and start taking it a little too seriously as she sings  a painfully mediocre rendition of  Adele or Martina McBride.

So, there it is.  My Fearless Friday adventure has come to a close. Thank you for joining me on this journey. What was your favorite Fearless Friday?

Here is a list of all the things that I accomplished.

1Go to dinner by myself.

2. Ask a boy to coffee. 

3. Cook a meal from Julia Child’s cookbook.

4. Go on an overnight trip by myself. 

5. Go a week without a phone.

6. Sing at an open mic night.

7. Go to a spin class by myself.

8. Go to two hot yoga classes in a day.

9. Make and follow a schedule for a week.

10. Finish a song.

11. Take a trip to the hot springs.

12. Pick a pumpkin and make homemade pumpkin pie.

13. Host a dinner party.

14. Pick a DIY craft from Pinterest and actually do it. 

15. Volunteer somewhere (like a women’s shelter or food bank) for a day. 

16. Give someone a compliment or tell them something encouraging about themselves once a day for a week

Sharing is my love language! Like this post? Share it on Facebook, twitter, google+, or whatever else you’d like!

Fearless Friday! I am an ADDICT.

Fearlessness isn’t the absence of fear. It’s being full of fear, full of doubt, and full of insecurities, but going for it anyways.

Sixteen weeks ago, I introduced Fearless Friday and invited you to take part in observing as I began doing things that scared me or that I have just never found the time to do. This next one, scared me.

I think that we can all agree that there is a cell phone epidemic currently taking place in society. People don’t even look at each other anymore because they have their face in their cell phone everywhere they go.  I will be the first to admit that I am 110% addicted to my cell phone.  I will literally panic if I cannot find my phone and images of missed emergency calls and/or texts flash through my mind.

You see, my cell phone addiction goes a lot deeper than just a burning desire to see what Beyonce is instagraming or what my sister’s friend’s cousin I once met at a wedding is doing. Since I was a little girl, I’ve had this irrational fear that something is going to happen to someone in my family.  I spent years enduring panic attacks and fighting anxiety over it.  I remember having to go out of town on school trips and I would cry to my mom the night before because I was terrified that something would happen and they wouldn’t be able to get a hold of me.   So, when I got my first cell phone at sixteen, a lot of that fear was relieved because at any moment, I was accessible.

As smart phones became more popular, so did my addiction.  I remember being the first among my friends to get a smart phone. It was a T-Mobile Sidekick and every celebrity was spotted with one. T-Mobile-Sidekick-to-be-replaced-by-HTC-myTouch-SlideI would walk into parties feeling like Paris Hilton and bragging about how I can check my email and even log onto MySpace if I wanted! I was the envy of everyone and I loved every moment of it.

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Then, iPhones made an appearance.  That changed the course of history forever because not only could I log onto my favorite social networking site, but I could become the proud owner of a virtual dog and have every question I’ve ever had like, “Are elephants really afraid of mice” or “how many boyfriends has Taylor Swift had” answered in a matter of seconds!  It’s almost as if it’s become a unrealistic to live life without a cell phone.

I first tried to go without my phone a few weeks ago.  I was doing fairly well and then, of course, my greatest fear happened.  Someone in my family was in trouble and I had to find out through a Facebook message.  I panicked, cried, turned on my phone and waited for updates as I browsed Instagram and Twitter. It was then that I decided to not attempt this one until Christmas break. That way, I would be with my family if something happened.  Christmas break came and I went two days without my phone.  My phone is also my camera.  I, once again, broke my week lost phone fast because I couldn’t bear the thought of not being able to take pictures of my niece and nephew.  I was quickly beginning to regret saying I would go a week without a phone.

Finally, the time had come.  I was down to only having two more things to do on my list. I had to face the fear and turn my phone off.  Friday night, I turned my phone off at midnight and put it in my closet.  To my surprise, it actually wasn’t quite as hard as I had expected it.  I actually slept better because I wasn’t constantly waking up to check my phone to make sure I didn’t miss any emergency phone calls.  There were moments where I realized how dependent I am on my phone. I had to actually use Mapquest and write down directions to a place I was going. I had to sit awkwardly in a coffee shop waiting for someone instead of using my phone to pass the time. It was interesting and I definitely felt like I had gone back in time to 2001. Unfortunately, I only went five days because Thursday morning, I had to contact someone who doesn’t have a Facebook. I know, I don’t even know what that means either. But collectively, I went ten days without my phone in the last month and that is quite the victory in this day in age.

Going without a phone gave me a lot to think about.  I think that a lot of us escape the awkwardness and vulnerability of actual human interaction by drowning ourselves in our phones.  Our phones create noise which alleviates the reality of the fact that we aren’t where we want to be in life. They allow us to feel “fake busy” which then allows us to validate why we haven’t been more productive.

Here are  a few videos that I really love because it exposes the truth behind why a lot of society is addicted to their phones.

Only one more thing left on my list!

1Go to dinner by myself.

2. Ask a boy to coffee. 

3. Cook a meal from Julia Child’s cookbook.

4. Go on an overnight trip by myself. 

5. Go a week without a phone.

6. Sing at an open mic night.

7. Go to a spin class by myself.

8. Go to two hot yoga classes in a day.

9. Make and follow a schedule for a week.

10. Finish a song.

11. Take a trip to the hot springs.

12. Pick a pumpkin and make homemade pumpkin pie.

13. Host a dinner party.

14. Pick a DIY craft from Pinterest and actually do it. 

15. Volunteer somewhere (like a women’s shelter or food bank) for a day. 

16. Give someone a compliment or tell them something encouraging about themselves once a day for a week.

Sharing is my love language! Like this post? Share it on Facebook, twitter, google+, or whatever else you’d like!

If you liked this post, you might like: Fearless Friday! Table for One or Fearless Friday! When You Ask a Guy to Coffee.

 

Fearless Friday! What Would Beyonce Do?

Fearlessness isn’t the absence of fear. It’s being full of fear, full of doubt, and full of insecurities, but going for it anyways.

Fifteen weeks ago, I introduced Fearless Friday and invited you to take part in observing as I began doing things that scared me or that I have just never found the time to do.

As most of you know, I am a student at a ministry school here in California.  I love many aspects about being a student, but my favorite benefit is the fact that, as a student, you can get out of having to do many things by just saying you’re busy and nobody questions you because all students are busy! This perk has saved me from many potentially awkward coffee dates and gives me an excuse to not respond to that creepy guy who texted me.  “Oh, sorry I got your text but I have just been sooo busy.”  **Tip:  You have to literally drag out the “so” when you say that because the longer the “so,” the busier you obviously are. It also helps to go up in tone on the last syllable of “busy” and be sure to say it with a shocked laugh at the end to give the impression that you are so busy that it’s a shock to even yourself.**  You can thank me later.

In school, they have a high value for maximizing your schedule. They like to say that they should be able to look at our schedule and be able to tell where we are headed in life. I took a mental look at my day and examined where I spend the most of my time.  I thought about the things that would stick out to them and where I really put forth a lot of my attention and energy. Then I realized…where am I headed in life? To season 4 of Parenthood.

So I waste a lot of time.  I would never like to admit that I may or may not have just finished an entire season of Grey’s Anatomy in just one sitting.  I don’t mean to brag, but I may have watched all three seasons of Pretty Little Liars in one month this past summer. Can you really blame me? How can you expect me to pursue my passions when NO ONE KNOWS WHO THAT LITTLE SNITCH “A” IS!  Do you really expect me to do homework right now when Juliette Barne’s is acting like a total beeyotch to Rayna James?! NICK FEELS LIKE JESS HAS STOLEN HIS MASCULINITY AND SCHMIDT CHEATED ON CECE!

My name is Rihanna and I am a Netflixaholic.

So, I took out my daily planner that I had been given a few months ago.  It was blank and empty kinda like my heart when Peeta and Katniss were no longer on speaking terms due to the capitol’s abuse of Peeta’s memory. I mean, how crazy was that? Anyways, back to real life.  I planned out my day. I had to think about the things that are important to me right now. School, homework, working out, writing, finding out if Ezra is A, and “quiet time” with God.  It actually wasn’t quite as difficult as I imagined it would be and I even gained a sense of self-confidence knowing that I am capable of living a productive adult life.  A friend sent me a pin the other day that read “You have the same hours in a day as Beyonce” and as crazy as this sounds, it really resonated with me.  We look at successful people and see tend to see only fun part of their job. The club appearances, autograph signings, and speaking events. We forget that behind the scenes, they lead very disciplined and planned out lives.  Beyonce probably has no idea that Ezra betrayed us all when he appeared to be working with “A.”   We all want success, yet we don’t want to work for it.

So, there is one more thing to scratch off my list. Here is what I have left!

1Go to dinner by myself.

2. Ask a boy to coffee. 

3. Cook a meal from Julia Child’s cookbook.

4. Go on an overnight trip by myself. 

5. Go a week without a phone.

6. Sing at an open mic night.

7. Go to a spin class by myself.

8. Go to two hot yoga classes in a day.

9. Make and follow a schedule for a week.

10. Finish a song.

11. Take a trip to the hot springs.

12. Pick a pumpkin and make homemade pumpkin pie.

13. Host a dinner party.

14. Pick a DIY craft from Pinterest and actually do it. 

15. Volunteer somewhere (like a women’s shelter or food bank) for a day. 

16. Give someone a compliment or tell them something encouraging about themselves once a day for a week.

Sharing is my love language! Like this post? Share it on Facebook, twitter, google+, or whatever else you’d like!

If you liked this post, you might like: Fearless Friday! Table for One or Fearless Friday! When You Ask a Guy to Coffee.

Fearless Friday! Lyrics and Music

Fearlessness isn’t the absence of fear. It’s being full of fear, full of doubt, and full of insecurities, but going for it anyways.

 Did you know that I almost became a pop star? I will explain, but first, allow me to go into my usual Fearless Friday shpeal: Fourteen weeks ago, I introduced Fearless Friday and invited you to take part in observing as I began doing things that scared me or that I have just never found the time to do.

Okay, back to the pop star part.  When I was six, I discovered my mom’s Amy Grant record collection.  Her albums included “Age to Age,” “Unguarded,” “Father’s Eyes,” and my personal favorite, “The Collection.” I became instantly obsessed and would spend hours, and I mean HOURS, in my room pretending that I was Amy Grant. I imagined I was singing onstage in front of a large crowd singing hits like “Sing Your Praise to the Lord,” and “Old Man’s Rubble” while the background vocalists were a large choir that stood behind me.  I remember going to my mom and telling her that I wanted to be a singer when I grew up.  I began vocal lessons at 8 and from there everything revolved around becoming the next Amy Grant or Jaci Velasquez.  I even got a perm in the fourth grade because if Amy had curly hair, I NEEDED to have curly hair as well.

I used to travel to Colorado every summer where a Christian music competition was held and it was the known for the discovery of big artists like Rachel Lampa, Stacci Orrico, and member of Plus One (who remembers Plus One?). In the process, I eventually ended up moving to Colorado two weeks after I graduated high school to work with a vocal coach who helped train a lot of those same artists.  One thing led to another and I found myself in LA shortly after moving, working with an agent there who wanted to make me the next  Britney Spears.

Me as Amy Grant.

Me as Amy Grant.

9 months later. Me as Britney.

9 months later. Me as Britney.

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Allow me to humble brag for a second, but I even got to travel to Atlanta for about a month where I somehow ended up recording with Manuel Seal, who is responsible for hits like Mariah’s “Always Be My Baby” and produced her album “The Emancipation of Mimi.”  I remember songwriting with him and he would butt heads a lot because I didn’t like the lyrics and felt like they were too cheesy, but since he was the big shot and I was just lucky to be there, he had the last say. I always left feeling my ideas are ridiculous and from then on I’ve been terrified to try to co-write with people because I’m afraid of embarrassing myself.

All this amazing stuff was happening for me, but here was the problem.  I was never encouraged or told that I should learn an instrument because I had people around me who just did it for me.  So now, songwriting for me is a difficult and overwhelming task because I don’t have the privileges I once had of having people who just write the music part for me.  I have journals upon journals of lyrics but they just sit there because they have no music to go with them.

Over the summer, I was babysitting my niece and she was a very upset 5 month old.  As I was trying to get her to stop crying and fall asleep, I began singing.  I wasn’t singing any song in particular but just singing what came to my heart.  Earlier that morning, I had read Psalm 27 and one verse stuck out to me in particular.  “I remain confident of this; I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.”  As I was singing, I began singing these lyrics,

“Be still my soul and know the Lord is watching over you.

Be still my heart and know that his kindness will always see you through.

 Just wait for the Lord.

You will see his goodness among the living.

Just wait, just wait for the Lord.”

I took out my iPhone and was sure to record it in case I ever forgot it.  Ever since, I have always gotten that part of the song stuck in my head and I knew that I wanted to somehow finish the song.  Over Christmas break, I got together with my brother in law and a friend and we all finished it! It still needs some work, but generally the idea for the song is set in place.

Here is the bad news. We didn’t have a lot of time to really get every thing set and make it worth your while.  My friend, Donald, even came over to help me record it just on a digital camera.  I would post it, but I am just not comfortable with the quality of it and I really want to do the song justice. So, if you are in Redding, CA and want to help me record my song, please let me know!

Here’s the lesson I learned from this.  No idea is stupid. Even if it is, it gives life to another idea that you never would have gotten from the stupid one.  When I sang the song for my brother in law, he was amazed and loved it. The experience really taught me to not doubt my ideas so much.

So, there is one more thing scratched off my list! Here is what I have left!

1Go to dinner by myself.

2. Ask a boy to coffee. 

3. Cook a meal from Julia Child’s cookbook.

4. Go on an overnight trip by myself. 

5. Go a week without a phone.

6. Sing at an open mic night.

7. Go to a spin class by myself.

8. Go to two hot yoga classes in a day.

9. Make and follow a schedule for a week.

10. Finish a song.

11. Take a trip to the hot springs.

12. Pick a pumpkin and make homemade pumpkin pie.

13. Host a dinner party.

14. Pick a DIY craft from Pinterest and actually do it. 

15. Volunteer somewhere (like a women’s shelter or food bank) for a day. 

16. Give someone a compliment or tell them something encouraging about themselves once a day for a week.

Sharing is my love language! Like this post? Share it on Facebook, twitter, google+, or whatever else you’d like!

If you liked this post, you might like: Fearless Friday! Table for One or Fearless Friday! When You Ask a Guy to Coffee.

Fearless Friday! Wine and Dining

Fearlessness isn’t the absence of fear. It’s being full of fear, full of doubt, and full of insecurities, but going for it anyways.

Thirteen weeks ago, I introduced Fearless Friday and invited you to take part in observing as I began doing things that scared me or that I have just never found the time to do. One thing on my list was inspired by a movie that became an instant favorite among stay at home moms and home schoolers alike, Julie and Julia. If you have never seen the movie, the plot follows both Julia Childs journey in cooking and another young lady, Julie,  who is on the search for significance after working most of her life in a cubical. The two stories parallel and Julie sets out on a mission to cook a recipe from Julia Child’s cookbook “Mastering the Art of French Cooking” everyday for a year.  She creates a blog and chronicles her failures and victories along the way. Through her journey, she gathers a following and eventually begins making national news and even catching the attention from Mrs. Julia Childs herself.  As you watch the movie, you begin to feel inspired and try to think of all the ways you can recreate the same experience. You go through all the ideas you have in your head and quickly realize that the only real talent you have is the ability to watch four seasons of Grey’s Anatomy in two days and that’s not exactly something you want national attention for.

I decided to try to recreate just one of her recipes. I mean, one can’t be that hard, right? I decided to go with the Beef Bourguignon because it was mentioned a few times in the movie and any recipe that calls for a full bottle of wine is a recipe I want in my life.  My mom had requested in an “anonymous” blog comment that I wait until I am home for Christmas to attempt this one.  So, like any good daughter would do, I waited until I was home so that I could grant my mother’s request and also use her credit card to buy all the ingredients. I looked over the recipe one last time to make sure I had everything I needed and I realized that I overlooked one very important detail: prep and cook time is a total of 6.5 hours.  SIX AND A HALF HOURS! Now, I know that as a female my primary role in life is to live in a kitchen but we all already know that I will  NEVER be a Proverbs 31 woman.  No wonder Julia Child’s was known for her drinking as well as her cooking.  If I had to stay in a kitchen for six hours everyday, I’d drink too. I then recruited my darling sister who just loves me and loves cooking to help.  Look how cute we are.

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We chopped the vegetables, chopped the meat, poured the wine, added the butter, poured more wine, sautéed the meat, added more butter, and then finally poured wine for the meal and not for ourselves. Everything was coming together nicely and I felt like my presentation could be featured in a Home and Garden magazine.

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I put the prepared stew in the oven and let it simmer for six hours. In the meantime, I thought about how maybe this was my chance to actually be a Proverbs 31 woman. I mean, I just successfully prepared one of Julia Child’s most complicated meals. Maybe I jumped the gun a little too soon when I asked for a cat for Christmas.  Maybe I should start shaving my legs again. Maybe I won’t be the designated person who is asked to take all the family photos on Christmas morning. All these thoughts floated through my head for six hours and I began thinking about creative ways I would announce my engagement on Facebook.  Finally, the timer went off and I did the wedding march to the kitchen.  I opened the oven, took out my husband bait, and…and…WHAT. THE. ELF.

Apparently when you use fresh spices like, bay leaves and sprigs of thyme, you’re supposed to tie them together or place them in a milk sack (what is a milk sack??).  All the spices were burnt into tiny pieces and floating around my stew.  Also, the sauce was supposed to be more like a gravy by this point, but I had forgotten to add flour at the beginning.  Darn you, Julia Childs and your contagious drinking habits! I only shed a few tears and decided to not be a victim of my own stupidity.  I managed to retrieve almost every floating spice piece and use the stew juices to make a gravy. Here is the final project:

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My family applauded  and I had a celebratory glass of wine (hey, I DESERVED it). I found this Julia Childs’ quote and found it to be quite appropriate: Julia Child quote

1Go to dinner by myself.

2. Ask a boy to coffee. 

3. Cook a meal from Julia Child’s cookbook.

4. Go on an overnight trip by myself. 

5. Go a week without a phone.

6. Sing at an open mic night.

7. Go to a spin class by myself.

8. Go to two hot yoga classes in a day.

9. Make and follow a schedule for a week.

10. Finish a song.

11. Take a trip to the hot springs.

12. Pick a pumpkin and make homemade pumpkin pie.

13. Host a dinner party.

14. Pick a DIY craft from Pinterest and actually do it. 

15. Volunteer somewhere (like a women’s shelter or food bank) for a day. 

16. Give someone a compliment or tell them something encouraging about themselves once a day for a week.

Sharing is my love language! Like this post? Share it on Facebook, twitter, google+, or whatever else you’d like!

If you liked this post, you might like: Fearless Friday! Table for One or Fearless Friday! When You Ask a Guy to Coffee.

Fearless Friday! Breakthough is Simple

Fearlessness isn’t the absence of fear. It’s being full of fear, full of doubt, and full of insecurities, but going for it anyways.

Eleven weeks ago, I introduced Fearless Friday and invited you all to take part in observing as I began doing things that scared me or that I have just never found the time to do.  Now, there was one thing on my list that I said from the beginning I may not be able to do because of money and that was take an overnight trip by myself. I was exactly right.

This last week, I somewhat accidentally conquered a fear. At first, I wasn’t going to allow it to count for my blog since it wasn’t on my “official” fear list and I have to follow the rules! Then last night, I was inspired by Beyonce herself who broke every rule when it comes to the music industry and released a new album without any warning or promotion and I thought “If Beyonce can surprise the world, then I can add a new fear without any warning and the peoples will love it!” WWBD everyone!

Before I share with you this story, allow me to start by saying that leaders have always been a source of fear in my life. I don’t want to go into all the reasons why but I will say that as a child, I was given this picture of leaders as being people whom you do not want to make angry in any way, shape, or form.  The best way to stay safe of the wrath was to just avoid them altogether because they were like this:

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Or this:

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Here at my school, Bethel, we are surrounded by all these great leaders.  I spent the good first year and a half keeping my distance because I didn’t want to come across as needy or that I had ulterior motives in talking to them. There was one leader in particular who I felt a draw towards from the start of my second year here.  He shared something one day that stirred something inside of me and when He did, I knew I had to have him pray for me.  He even encouraged us to go to a leader we want prayer from and have them pray, but I was so paralyzed with fear that I came up with every reason why I shouldn’t do that.  I left school that day feeling frustrated with myself, but I tried to reason and convince myself that I’ll be fine. A few nights later, I had a dream that Pastor Bill’s wife, Beni Johnson, came up to me and told me that I had to have this particular leader pray for me if I wanted breakthrough.

Great. Now the Johnsons are appearing to me in a dream! I have no biblical basis for this, but I’m pretty sure that is almost equivalent to having an angel appear to you in a dream. I knew that it was confirmation of what God had already put on my heart.  So, I spent the next month making half-hearted attempts at speaking to him.  I’d walk over to where his table is and when he wouldn’t be there I’d sigh a sigh of relief think “Oh well, guess I’ll come back tomorrow.” Finally, on Tuesday I saw him and thought, “This is ridiculous! I can’t live my life in fear of other people and especially in fear of leaders if I want to someday be a leader! What would Beyonce do, Rihanna?” So, I got my game face on, did a few push ups, said a cheer and walked up to him fully prepared for him to either ignore me or be too busy to meet with me.  I introduced myself and asked if I could set up a meeting with him. He said absolutely, pulled out his iPad, and scheduled a meeting with me for right after school at 4:15. WHAT? It was that easy? You mean, he didn’t laugh in my face and call me a little peasant girl? I walked away almost embarrassed at how easy that was.

Finally, 4:15 rolled around and I walked into his office, not really knowing what to expect.  I shared with him what was on my heart and what I was needing breakthrough in.  I fully expected that I would need some long and drawn out counseling sessions to get where I wanted to be.  After putting it all on the table and explaining that I needed help forgiving someone, he looked at me and basically called out exactly what was going on in my heart. He prayed for me and literally within minutes I went from feeling completely hopeless in a certain area to being completely free! In a short thirty minute meeting, he was able to walk me into complete freedom from something I’ve been mentally battling for 6 years! I walked out of his office, again almost embarrassed at how simple the solution was.  Once he pointed out the lie that I was believing about myself, it exposed it and it no longer had any power over me. I left feeling literally ten pounds lighter and the thought of this certain person I needed to forgive didn’t trigger any negative feelings within me.

Isn’t it funny that just beyond our biggest fears lies some of our greatest breakthroughs?  I wouldn’t be exaggerating if I said that conquering this fear literally changed my life. Not only did I break off my irrational fear of leaders, but I also got set free in other areas of my life. So, although this was not on my official “Fearless Friday list,” this was definitely the most life changing.

Here is what I have left!

1. Go to dinner by myself.

2. Ask a boy to coffee. 

3. Cook a meal from Julia Child’s cookbook.

4. Go on an overnight trip by myself. OR TALK TO A LEADER.

5. Go a week without a phone.

6. Sing at an open mic night.

7. Go to a spin class by myself.

8. Go to two hot yoga classes in a day.

9. Make and follow a schedule for a week.

10. Finish a song.

11. Take a trip to the hot springs.

12. Pick a pumpkin and make homemade pumpkin pie.

13. Host a dinner party.

14. Pick a DIY craft from Pinterest and actually do it. 

15. Volunteer somewhere (like a women’s shelter or food bank) for a day. 

16. Give someone a compliment or tell them something encouraging about themselves once a day for a week.

Sharing is my love language! Like this post? Share it on Facebook, twitter, google+, or whatever else you’d like!

If you liked this post, you might like: Fearless Friday! Table for One or Fearless Friday! When You Ask a Guy to Coffee.

Fearless Friday! Some Like it HOT

Fearlessness isn’t the absence of fear. It’s being full of fear, full of doubt, and full of insecurities, but going for it anyways.

Ten weeks ago, I introduced Fearless Friday and invited you all to take part in observing as I began doing things that scared me or that I have just never found the time to do.  One of those things was to do two Bikram Yoga sessions in one day. If that doesn’t sound scary to you, then you have never done Bikram Yoga.

Bikram isn’t like any other type of yoga.  While most yogi girls do yoga in cute outfits with their hair and makeup fully done in case they meet their dream yogi spouse who will ask them out to a kale dinner after doing an impressive downward dog, you’d be a fool to do the same in Bikram yoga.  You see, Bikram is a set of 26 postures that you do for 90 minutes in a room set to a temperature of 100-105 degrees and 40% humidity. By the end you look like a drowning rat.  I first learned of Bikram Yoga from radio DJ, Johnjay VanEs, in 2008.  If you aren’t familiar with him, he basically finds something he is obsessed with and talks non-stop about it until his next obsession comes along.  He had just recently lost a bunch of weight and he praised Bikram for it’s weight loss benefits and being a female, I am constantly on the lookout for anything that will help me look like Beyonce.  I convinced my best friend, Kainos, to try it out with me and I’m pretty sure she has yet to forgive me for that. Here’s what happened:

Two innocent and unsuspecting girls arrive at Scottsdale’s newest Bikram Yoga studio.  The sign on the door seems welcoming and reads “Find your Namaste.” We didn’t know our namaste was missing and we wondered aloud what a namaste could be and if it was 6’2 with blue eyes. We walked through the doors and upon first sight we see a lobby filled with scantily clad old men holding BPA-free water bottles that read “Namaste.” Maybe we don’t want to find our namaste after all.

An instructor, who is munching on kale and granola, greets us in a nice and soothing tone and asks if it’s our first time. She hands us a waiver that we need to sign agreeing not to sue the studio if we happen to die of dehydration during a class. “It’s not that bad,” she says convincingly. “Your goal is just to stay in the room.”  Seems simple enough.

After signing our waivers, we step foot into the actual studio which is 105 degrees and thick with humidity.  Immediately we regret every decision that led us to this point. We find a place for their non-organic yoga mats and sit in silence and despair as we imagine what lies before us.  Other seasoned yogi’s are warming up by doing backwards bends and I am exposed to parts of old men that I am sure to someday talk to my therapist about. Kainos and I are already sweating and I look at her apologetically.  We have been friends for 15 years at this point and have endured a lot of hard times. However, I begin to fear that this may be what breaks us apart.

The instructor walks in and everyone jumps to their feet.  They stare intensely at themselves in the mirror with the same look I give a family member who asks why I’m not married yet. She begins walking us through the first few poses and my body begins shaking. I give up trying to keep up with the rest of the class and I lay on my mat with either tears or sweat in my eyes, I still don’t know. “I hate Johnjay VanEs!” I think to myself. “This is all his fault! You will rule the day JohnJay!”  The instructor approaches me a coconut water and a half-hearted compliment telling me how well I’m doing. “Just breathe” she says. “The nausea, dizziness, and thoughts of homicide will pass.”

After what feel likes six hundred and sixty-six hours, the class comes to a close. I look over at Kainos who refuses to make eye contact with me. Since this is 2008, I already know that by the end of the day I will be removed from her top 8 friends on Myspace. We had a good run. We both sit up from our mats disoriented and confused, kinda like this guy:

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We leave the class soaked to the core in sweat and misery. We didn’t find our namaste but we did lose $12.00 thanks to the coconut water that possibly prevented me from committing a felony.

As accurately torturous as that sounds, as soon as the bad thoughts and feelings passed, I soon became obsessed with Bikram yoga.  Ask anyone that knew me from 2008-2010 and all I talked about was Bikram! In fact, the reason I ever even started blogging was to  document a 30 day Bikram yoga challenge I was doing in which I did Bikram every day for 30 days straight.  However, as much as I loved it, I was always too terrified to attempt more than one class a day.  For years, I have wanted to accomplish such a victory and yet never have.

Here is where Fearless Friday comes into play in helping me accomplish my mundane dreams.  It was Wednesday afternoon and all week I had originally planned to do number 5 on my list which is go without a phone for an entire week.  However, after a runaway grandpa (don’t ask) and a small financial crisis, I was unable to successfully accomplish that one.  By Wednesday, I was in panic mode because I needed to find something to do for my blog! I had done my research and there are zero Bikram Yoga studios here in Redding.  For a while, I had planned on replacing this one with something different until it hit me…create my own Bikram yoga studio! So, I went home and turned our heater on full blast and put two space heaters in my bedroom.  After about an hour, it was just the right level of warmth and discomfort for me to begin.  I had already spent an hour at the gym doing legs, so I knew that this was going to be a whole different type of torture. I pulled the 26 postures up on a webpage and put my phone timer in front of me so that I could keep track of my timing and for the next 90 minutes, I lead myself through the entire Bikram yoga routine.

By the end, I wanted to die.

By this point, I had worked out a total of 2.5 hours and the thought of one more Bikram session stirred up more emotion than when Destiny’s Child announced their retirement. I had a moment when I entertained the thought of giving up but I thought to myself, “What would Beyonce do?”  Beyonce taught me that I am a survivor. I’m gonna make it. I will survive and keep on surviving.

So, I turned on my inner Sasha Fierce and I powered through another entire 90 minute session of Bikram yoga.  In some ways, the fact that I did this on my own made me that much more proud of myself because it would have been much easier to cheat and skip a few poses or just not do it at all, but I did it and it was GLORIOUS! I looked at myself in the mirror as I was dripping with sweat and gave myself an internal high-five. I didn’t praise myself for too long because after 4 hours of working out and 1428 burned calories, I had more important things on my mind like FOOD.

So, there you have it.  One more task crossed off my list and now begins a new week. Here’s what I have left:

1. Go to dinner by myself.

2. Ask a boy to coffee. 

3. Cook a meal from Julia Child’s cookbook.

4. Go on an overnight trip by myself. 

5. Go a week without a phone.

6. Sing at an open mic night.

7. Go to a spin class by myself.

8. Go to two hot yoga classes in a day.

9. Make and follow a schedule for a week.

10. Finish a song.

11. Take a trip to the hot springs.

12. Pick a pumpkin and make homemade pumpkin pie.

13. Host a dinner party.

14. Pick a DIY craft from Pinterest and actually do it. 

15. Volunteer somewhere (like a women’s shelter or food bank) for a day. 

16. Give someone a compliment or tell them something encouraging about themselves once a day for a week.

Sharing is my love language! Like this post? Share it on Facebook, twitter, google+, or whatever else you’d like!

If you liked this post, you might like: Fearless Friday! Table for One or Fearless Friday! When You Ask a Guy to Coffee.

Fearless Friday! Why I'll Never be a Proverbs 31 Woman

Fearlessness isn’t the absence of fear. It’s being full of fear, full of doubt, and full of insecurities, but going for it anyways.

Nine weeks ago, I introduced Fearless Friday and invited you all to take part in observing as I began doing things that scared me or that I have just never found the time to do.  One of the television shows that I’ve always been fascinated with is The Real Housewives.  Their lifestyle seems so glamorous and their social lives are as full as Joan River’s face. One of the things on my list was to host a dinner party that resembled something like this: Real-Housewives-BH-Dinner-Party-From-Hell

A group of gorgeous girls sitting around a table filled with flowers, china, champagne glasses and a candlelit dinner. I always imagined that would be a typical Saturday evening by this point in my life but here is the problem: I own nothing and when I look at my bank account, this is normally my reaction:

Cryinggifs_07So, I enlisted the help of two good friends. Thanksgiving was coming up and what better time to tackle this Fearless Friday goal.  We all pitched in equally and began the preparations…the day before.

Wednesday, when most sane people have already finished their Thanksgiving food shopping, I was laying on the couch googling things like, how to cook a turkey, thanksgiving side dishes, good thanksgiving desserts, easy thanksgiving desserts, thanksgiving desserts for dummies, what is Lady Gaga doing for thanksgiving, how to marry rich so I will never have to cook a thanksgiving dinner again.

Wednesday night, my half-mexican roommate and I began our Thanksgiving preparations.  The whole time, Proverbs 31 was running through my head. I mean, this Thanksgiving preparation was a lot of work in itself and I can’t imagine doing something like this on a daily basis. Who is this Proverbs 31 woman anyway?  Does she not realize that she is making us all look bad and has done more harm to the male idea of a perfect woman than Victoria Secret herself? I was growing rather bitter towards her as I was baking my pre-made pie crust.  Who does she think she is? Am I not woman enough because I happened to find a good deal on frozen Pillsbury crust at Winco? Let’s just break this verse down for a second:

How hard it is to find a capable wife! She is worth far more than jewels!

Is it really that hard? I feel like there are a lot of capable women out there. Whoever you are, King Lemuel, you are looking in all the wrong places! Did you ever consider going to ministry school? Christian Mingle? You are a king, afterall!

She keeps herself busy making wool and linen cloth.

This may be true if you are looking for a wife who spent her life in the home schooling system. I tried that and you can read about that failure here.

 She brings home food from out-of-the-way places, as merchant ships do.

This is true.  I did bring home food from Winco which is about fifteen minutes out of my way.

She gets up before daylight to prepare food for her family and to tell her servant women what to do.

Question: If she has a servant woman, why doesn’t she just make her get up early and prepare the food? I mean, put that servant woman to work! Not to mention that waking up before daylight on a daily basis is not good for your beauty regimen and will likely cause bags to form under your eyes. The goal in getting a husband is keeping him, right?

She looks at land and buys it, and with money she has earned she plants a vineyard.

Look at land and buy it? I can hardly buy groceries. And why would I want to plant a vineyard when I can just go to Trader Joe’s and get a bottle of wine for $4.99? That seems like the more financially responsible route anyways. I’d rather spend my hard-earned money on more important things like anti-aging treatments and a servant woman, which is apparently essential to every Proverbs 31 woman.

She makes bedspreads and wears clothes of fine purple linen.

Has no one told her about Bed, Bath and Beyond?! Why is she making bedspreads?!

She makes clothes and belts, and sells them to merchants.

WHO IS THIS WOMAN?

 Her children show their appreciation, and her husband praises her.

I don’t have children or a husband, so I just make my roommate compliment me all the time.For the love of Pete, just praise me Audrey or I’ll never be a Proverbs 31 woman and I won’t invite you to my wedding where you’ll be forced to wear a Bridesmaid’s dress that I hand-made with the help of my servant-woman!”

The oven timer went off and I quickly snapped out of my make-believe debate that I was having with King Lemuel’s mother.  I continued in my Thanksgiving preparation and made mostly-homemade apple crisp pie and stuffing.

Thursday arrived and I was so excited to spend the day with some good friends.  We decided to have Thanksgiving dinner at our friend Andre’s house so we made our travels there.  We spent a good 30 minutes trying to figure out the correct way to cook a turkey and I won’t even go into how I basically violated this poor turkey before realizing that it came without it’s insides already. We continued with cooking throughout the day while taking breaks watching New Girl. Here are a few pictures from our day:

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Audrey and Andre making Jalapeño poppers. I would have helped, but I had an injury (I cut myself with a knife).

Everything is better with bacon.

Everything is better with bacon.

The Mexican version of a Proverbs 31 woman.

The Mexican version of a Proverbs 31 woman.

My apple crisp pie. Take that you mysterious Proverbs 31 woman!

My apple crisp pie. Take that you mysterious Proverbs 31 woman!

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Our finished work. It’s a little redneck and a far cry from any dinner the Real Housewives would have, but hey, at least there was a candle.

We did it! We successfully prepared and served a Thanksgiving dinner and nothing caught on fire and no one got food poisoning! We ended with day with some Black Friday shopping, but since I was exhausted from trying to be my best version of a Proverbs 31 woman, we called it a night around 9:30.

Another week and come and gone and now here is what I have left:

1. Go to dinner by myself.

2. Ask a boy to coffee. 

3. Cook a meal from Julia Child’s cookbook.

4. Go on an overnight trip by myself. 

5. Go a week without a phone.

6. Sing at an open mic night.

7. Go to a spin class by myself.

8. Go to two hot yoga classes in a day.

9. Make and follow a schedule for a week.

10. Finish a song.

11. Take a trip to the hot springs.

12. Pick a pumpkin and make homemade pumpkin pie.

13. Host a dinner party.

14. Pick a DIY craft from Pinterest and actually do it. 

15. Volunteer somewhere (like a women’s shelter or food bank) for a day. 

16. Give someone a compliment or tell them something encouraging about themselves once a day for a week.

Sharing is my love language! Like this post? Share it on Facebook, twitter, google+, or whatever else you’d like!

If you liked this post, you might like: Fearless Friday! Table for One or Fearless Friday! When You Ask a Guy to Coffee.

Fearless Friday! You're like, really pretty.

Fearlessness isn’t the absence of fear. It’s being full of fear, full of doubt, and full of insecurities, but going for it anyways.

mean-girls-mean-girls-200481_640_657

I can’t believe that it’s been two months since I posted my first Fearless Friday blog! It seems like just yesterday that I was sitting at my computer thinking “Yeah, ha, I’ll never ask a guy to coffee, do a Pinterest project, or go a week without a phone” (Ok, I still don’t think I can go a week without a phone) but I did it and I can honestly say that it’s been an amazing experience. Each week, I generally will fail miserably but that is what makes it memorable.

This next one is a bit different from what I’ve done in the past. It was inspired by someone’s own translation on Proverbs 27:5. They said to me, “Withheld love is more damaging than an open insult.”

Think about it.

How many of us walk around and live our lives day to day feeling unappreciated, insecure, hidden, and unseen. How many of us feel unloved?

Last Thursday night, Audrey and I ran into a friend at Starbucks. He ended up sitting with us and we all sat in silence for an hour or so as they did homework and I worked on my last blog.  Towards the end of the night, we I started talking and babbling on about really embarrassing things like my inability to form sentences around a cute boy and my new-found religion some know as Friend-zoning. Before you judge me and think “oh, that poor guy got stuck in the middle of girl talk” let me just say that he was laughing a lot for a guy who got tricked into girl talk and even said that he was enjoying seeing that side of me and he likes talking about that kind of stuff. After the jokes and embarrassing stories were over, he said, “You’re a really fun person but people don’t always see that side of you at first because you can come across as intense. But that’s not you at all.”

That was really no surprise to me. I already know that the biggest misconception of me is that I’m serious because when I first get around new people, I get quiet. I’m an observer and without realizing it, I accidentally make people think that I’m mad, bored, or uninterested. After our conversation, I knew what I was going to do next for my Fearless Friday challenge.

Give someone a compliment or tell them something encouraging about themselves once a day for a week.

I already know what most of you are thinking. You are probably a very good person and you’re so encouraging all the time that you basically spoon feed people compliments. Well, I’m not. At least not to strangers. The thing is, I actually do have encouraging things to say, but for some reason I am terrified to actually say them. I imagine it playing out like this:

Intense, boring, and serious girl walks into school (Actually, for the sake of not wanting to have to type out “Intense, boring, and serious” over and over, let’s just call her “Boring Girl”). Okay, so Boring Girl walks into school. She is immediately overwhelmed with the sight of 600 students packed into one small church lobby.  If the feeling of claustrophobia doesn’t get to her, the smell of sweat slightly masked by the aroma of burnt coffee will. Boring girl tries to make her way through the crowd, dodging the blissfully unaware students who think it’s a good idea to run and tackle other people as a way of saying, “Hey, haven’t seen you since yesterday.” She finally makes her way through the lobby and into the sanctuary to find a seat. She looks at the time. 15 minutes until class starts. Great. Now she has to figure out a way to entertain herself for fifteen minutes all while looking like she is OK with sitting alone and talking to no one. Her inner voice speaks and says, “Boring girl, what would Beyonce do?” Sasha Fierce ain’t afraid of nobody! Sasha Fierce owns the room. So, boring girl stands up and decides to approach someone she has admired from afar, let’s call her “Cool Girl.” As she walks closer, Cool Girl and her friends look over and see her approaching. They begin whispering among themselves, “Who is that?…I think she’s friends with that half-mexican girl…Rumor has it she’s obsessed with Miley Cyrus…Why is she coming over here? She’s not even on the worship team.”

The whispers die down and Boring Girl stands awkwardly in front of them. “Hi. My name is Boring Girl and I think you’re a really great singer. [Insert awkward pause] You’re really pretty.”

Cool Girl looks her over and says:

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Boring Girl responds:

mean8

Everyone stands there awkwardly and the girls around them start giggling. Since Boring Girl can’t think of anything else to say, she uses the unofficial ministry school awkward conversation life-saver and says, “We should do coffee sometime.” They agree that would be nice and say, “I’ll contact you” which translates to “Yeah, not going to happen.”

Boring Girl walks back to her seat while Cool Girl looks at her friends and says:

127957-mean-girls-crack

What a nightmare! As you may have guessed, my actual experience went fairly different (aside from the 600 students crammed in a lobby part). I felt like this exercise went right along with the journey God has been taking on when it comes to being fully myself all the time and valuing my voice.  Throughout this last week, I would go up to a person that was highlighted to me and just give them an encouraging word. I know that some people felt encouraged and one girl even cried, but it’s interesting how encouraged I felt myself! Our words really do make a difference and we have no idea what just one simple compliment or encouraging statement can do to change an entire person’s day.

That’s one more thing to cross off my list. Here’s what I have left:

1. Go to dinner by myself.

2. Ask a boy to coffee. 

3. Cook a meal from Julia Child’s cookbook.

4. Go on an overnight trip by myself. 

5. Go a week without a phone.

6. Sing at an open mic night.

7. Go to a spin class by myself.

8. Go to two hot yoga classes in a day.

9. Make and follow a schedule for a week.

10. Finish a song.

11. Take a trip to the hot springs.

12. Pick a pumpkin and make homemade pumpkin pie.

13. Host a dinner party.

14. Pick a DIY craft from Pinterest and actually do it. 

15. Volunteer somewhere (like a women’s shelter or food bank) for a day. 

16. Give someone a compliment or tell them something encouraging about themselves once a day for a week.

Sharing is my love language! Like this post? Share it on Facebook, twitter, google+, or whatever else you’d like!

If you liked this post, you might like: Fearless Friday! Table for One or Fearless Friday! When You Ask a Guy to Coffee.

Fearless Friday! Home Schooled Jungle Freak

Fearlessness isn’t the absence of fear. It’s being full of fear, full of doubt, and full of insecurities, but going for it anyways.

Seven weeks ago, I introduced Fearless Friday and invited you all to take part in observing as I began doing things that scared me or that I have just never found the time to do. Once again, this next one doesn’t fall into the “scared” category but more of the…no wait, this was definitely scary.

Unless you’ve lived under a rock, you’ve heard of Pinterest. Pinterest is a fairly new phenomenon that has taken over the lives of desperate housewives and even more marriage-desperate females everywhere.  Don’t get me wrong. I like Pinterest, but I have yet to understand how people can spend hours at a time surfing this reality crushing site. I login every few days (yes, males, it is possible to find a girl who hasn’t given her soul to Pinterest) and I am overwhelmed with a plethora of pins that range from promises of weight loss if I do these “6 simple exercises before every shower” to promises of being forever alone with each bite of homemade pumpkin cream cheese loaf with raspberry drizzle and cinnamon whipped cream topping and a side of love handles. I scroll down and my eyes glaze over and I’m bombarded with pins some 17 year old girl pinned of her “dream wedding” to her pin board passive aggressively labeled “maybe someday someone will love me.” I inwardly vomit and outwardly roll my eyes. Scroll down a little further and every once a while, some mom that is obsessed with homeschooling and growing her own basil repins pins of “DIY Projects.” I see DIY and my mind translates it to “BLH.”  Bored and Lonely Housewife. Seriously. The only other people I know that love DIY projects more than housewives are “home schooled jungle freaks.” Which are basically just home schoolers but thanks to the genius that is Mean Girls, I can’t say “home schooled” without adding “jungle freaks.” Thanks, Tina Fey.

Turns out, my half Mexican roommate is also half home schooled. I mean, it makes sense. She lives out the best of both worlds. On one hand she has a great sense of fashion but on the other hand, she just recently spent, like, two weeks knitting scarves for her family members.  Night after night, we sat on the couch watching New Girl and The Mindy Project. I was probably googling something like “how to make your face look 10 lbs slimmer” or “did someone really see Selena in hell” and Audrey sat next to me knitting…and knitting…and knitting… It was so weird. I’ve never seen a pretty girl knit so much.

As I was preparing for Fearless Friday, I looked over my list and one in particular kept coming back to me : 14. Pick a DIY craft from Pinterest and actually do it.

I endlessly searched Pinterest for DIY ideas but all it did was remind me that I don’t have a house or kitchen that needs remodeling and I don’t need an earring holder made out of bobby pins and branches. And then, I saw it:

4b384f96df9cebcaf2745653ce16525eThen it hit me. I just watched my dear friend, Audrey, spend two weeks committing social suicide by knitting herself into oblivion. She could surely help me! So, it all started Monday night. Surely five days would be plenty of time to do ONE DIY project. SURELY! I enlisted Audrey as my personal knitting coach and she spent the next 30 minutes teaching me the ways. Want to know how much of my scarf got finished in 30 minutes?

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ONE LITTLE MEASLY LINE. At this point, I wanted to give up. But you, my Fearless Friday readers, would be disappointed. So, I carried on. I took my yarn and knitting needles and called a good friend. We talked forever about current events like the disappointing new Britney single and whether or not Jen Aniston is pregnant for the 10 thousandth time. I couldn’t believe how little progress I was making.  I then began imagining my future. This DIY project was about to take over my life. I imagined my little sister announcing that she was engaged and I would have to go to her wedding with my knitting needles in my hair and yarn wrapped around my neck as I gave my Maid of Honor speech while disgracing my family after one too many glasses of champagne.  My best friend would have to assist me to the bathroom and hold back my hair AND my yarn as I cried into the toilet.  I would wake up the next day wrapped in yarn screaming,” WHY IS THERE SHRIMP COCKTAIL ON MY SCARF?!” My other sister would then announce her second pregnancy and I would want to scream and shout for joy but at this point I would only have tears and blistered fingers.

I snapped out of my nightmare and realized that 90 minutes had passed. Want to know how far along I got in 90 minutes? DO YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW? Here. Here before you is 90 minutes of blood, sweat, and tears.

20131114-202300.jpgI sincerely hope that you all feel sorry for me right now.

I carried on, because I’m a fighter. Just call me Christina Aguilera. The next morning I woke up at 6am and immediately began knitting again. After four hours, yes FOUR hours, I was beginning to see progress. There was a light at the end of this terrible yarn tunnel.

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I had to stop because I had to go to classes.  The whole day at school, all I thought about was getting home to work on my scarf. I was becoming a monster. Did I want to get home to it because I enjoyed it? No. I wanted to get home so that I could end this terrible nightmare I found myself in. Night after night, I found myself on the couch watching Keeping up with the Kardashian reruns in tears. No, I was not crying because of Bruce Jenner’s haircut or Kris Jenner’s sociopathic tendencies. I was weeping because I felt that I had gotten myself into a mess that I had little chance of coming out alive.

And then it happened. I looked up from my self-made pity party and I saw the light. I called out for Audrey and she came running to me. She saw that I was just about finished and she wrapped her arms around me and we cried into each others arms. “I always knew you would make it” she whispered as Sarah Mclachlan’s “In the Arms of an Angel” played in the background. We knitted the last few stitches together and I immediately began snapchatting my work of art to everyone I have ever met that has snapchat. Here it is for you to enjoy:

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At the end of the day, I really like my scarf. Will I ever make one again? Probably not. Although, it has inspired me to begin praying that I marry rich so that I will never have to face the possibility of having to make my own clothes. It also gave me a new appreciation for home schooled jungle freaks.

That’s one more thing to cross off my list. Here’s what I have left:

1. Go to dinner by myself.

2. Ask a boy to coffee. 

3. Cook a meal from Julia Child’s cookbook.

4. Go on an overnight trip by myself. 

5. Go a week without a phone.

6. Sing at an open mic night.

7. Go to a spin class by myself.

8. Go to two hot yoga classes in a day.

9. Make and follow a schedule for a week.

10. Finish a song.

11. Take a trip to the hot springs.

12. Pick a pumpkin and make homemade pumpkin pie.

13. Host a dinner party.

14. Pick a DIY craft from Pinterest and actually do it. 

15. Volunteer somewhere (like a women’s shelter or food bank) for a day. 

16. Give someone a compliment or tell them something encouraging about themselves once a day for a week.

Sharing is my love language! Like this post? Share it on Facebook, twitter, google+, or whatever else you’d like!

If you liked this post, you might like: Fearless Friday! Table for One or Fearless Friday! When You Ask a Guy to Coffee.